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What I need to be happy?

“Happiness is not a matter of material possession but for the word of God”

Everybody who happens to come accross the different circumstances in the world, probably knows that the real happiness has to come from the inside, probably a good emotion. As a psychological state, “happiness is the feeling of contentment arising from the possession of good”. But there is often quite a difference between knowing something with our head and with our guts, where the gut knowing is - in my opinion - required to really do something. In the first place there’s the question of my mind of what “happiness” itself means. It is always getting our own way? Is it always being in charge? In other words, is it getting away with being a spoiled brat or bully? Is it always making our happiness dependent on how others treat us? If that’s what we think, I think we’re mistaken and it’s not hard to say we’re in real trouble because happiness is always in possession of what is good - for I remember that we are normal animal. It is not good to say that you can make your own way but can make others suffer.

By the way what is “real happiness”? Others said, “REAL HAPPINESS” lies in making others happy. Maybe yes, because many times we don’t even know when we’re making someone else happy. And perhaps only the one who do this knows what it means to make someone else happy in the true sense of the word. But I do know some of the things that mean “real happiness” to me, and most of them are connected to God whom I believe as the source of “real happiness”. It is not in material life but in uplifting ourselves to rise above it, where independent happiness is found, and helping others to the same. This is the best way of assisting others to be relieved of suffering and misiries. And how does it proved? Maybe in the first instance, it is true because there were times that I felt such happiness, which cannot be measured by material things - by helping others through extending even such simple material goods but heartily given - by making others laugh and spending time to talk and share with such healing words and advise to them. And there were times that I am thankful and also very happy if others help me to be happy as well.

Turning back from my times of yore I can say that it was full of sorrow, pain, angry, worry and mostly struggling such painful disease (urinary track or kidney trouble) who make my life full of suffering with such hell like world. Before I remember that there were times I laugh a lot when I’ve been with my friends but those laugh doesn’t worth because the pain is still there plus my parents did not do something even by just admitting me to the hospital when my disease is in serious condiiton. I don’t know what to do those times. I’ve got a mixed miserable life and worrying emotion imagining my life is near to be ended. I have those needs if there is a lacking in me? Based on my experience, I really always hoping and praying that someday God will heal my disease. There were times I’ve lost my hope then i blamed God and my parents because they haven’t do anything.

Time flies (almost nine years of suffering) with the blessing of God I was operated and I am now with still conditional health. There is still 100% possibility that it will happen again. Undoubtedly, the cure of my disease guides me in entering the seminary in the reason of redeeming my sinful life, and I believe that the seminary could transform me to be a good person and the very purpose of entering the seminary is honestly as a return of God’s goodness to me. But now I’m still worrying my health condition. Eventhough I tried to erase it in my mind but still it always awakening my worries in life that I would die for nothing.. But still I am happy for there were people around me who help me, support me and formed my life into better person. I found the real happiness to these people (parents, friends, priest, neighbour) especially God. I learned some moral values to them. Even behind those worry but still those people I’ve mentioned were always there and give me hope.

As i recall, when I was lying in bed in hospital I remembered Frat. Oliver Janohan gave me communion. It was indeed a miracle, after I received the Holy Eucharist, my digestions became normal, and its easier for me to defecate. Thanks God for giving me a second chance. I surpassed such dreadful disease. After recovery, I realized that to express my thank it must shown in action. As return of God’s goodness, I decided to enter seminary, as I believe it was a good form of service to God and his people. With my faith and prayers, i belive i can surpassed whatever test that come’s into my life as a seminarian. I have reason to be happy with God as the source of security and hope.

Some point to ponder “living our life here and now with as much joy as little trouble as possible is the only goal we need to worry about”. I mean, our joy with material possession could deceive our mind to the world of error. All we need is spiritual joyous state where we will be truly content and satisfied. without this, no matter how we try to make ourselves happy, genuine and lasting bliss and contentment will not be possible. while on the material platform which itself is conditional and fleeting - it gives us headaches, worries and problem when it is insufficient and absent. But being a servant of the Supreme and using our inner senses in His service, is the constitutional position of all living beings. This is the way all living entities can be completely satisfied, just as child is fully content while in the arms of a loving father or mother.

Being a good servant is not that easy but it could be possible if we always take our responsibility with sincerity of heart. Now, even if i left the seminary, i will always treasure those lessons, the word and exemplary work of Christ, who make me strong and “no fear of death” for I know God is always there to accept and forgive me.

Once again ” REAL happines lies on having good relationship with God and our fellowmen. Making other’s happy is a source of joy.”